


Through the Wormhole

by Noelleian



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Science Fiction, a tiny bit of violence, cursing, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noelleian/pseuds/Noelleian
Summary: Telling Duo not to touch things is a fruitless endeavor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is in response to a writing prompt from writing-prompt-s. The prompt was: “It literally could not get any worse if we summoned Cthulhu, and in fact might improve the situation somewhat.”
> 
> This was supposed to be my Snippet Saturday and it turned into a short oneshot. There is a brief implication of Trowa/Quatre, but it's literally just a tiny, unspecific, little mention. This is super cracky, so be forewarned. xD Hope you guys like it!
> 
> Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

“Well,” Duo chirped, propping his hands on his hips as he glanced around. “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.” **  
**

Quatre gave him a sideways look. “What was your first clue? The three separate moons, or the fact that the plants have legs?” He stepped back when a strangely deformed looking tulip plant smacked him in the shin and flipped a leafy appendage in a gesture that he assumed was this planet’s equivalent of the middle finger. “Excuse me. Sorry.”

The affronted tulip harrumphed and continued on its way. Duo turned to him, his face glowing in ethereal shades of lavender and gold thanks to the planet’s alien atmosphere. “So what do we do?”

“Why are you asking me? You’re the one who said, “What’s this button do?” _Now_ are you going to listen to Heero when he tells you not to touch anything?”

Duo shrugged. “Sure.” Which wasn’t as convincing as Quatre would have liked. “If we ever get back home,” he added, reaching towards a branch that was laden with what Quatre presumed must have been a fruit of some kind.

He slapped the other man’s hand down and barked, “Don’t touch that! We have no idea what the agriculture of this planet is. It could be poisonous.”

Duo stared at him with a blank expression and then turned towards the tree. “Hey, tree! Can I eat some of this?”

To Quatre’s surprise, the limb folded in towards its trunk. The long branches at the end curled in like fingers and plucked a plumy looking fruit, flicking it in Duo’s direction. The fruit bounced off his chest and landed at his feet. “Thanks,” he grinned and bent down to grab it. He took a bite before Quatre could stop him and the blond waited for the inevitable signs of poisoning.

“Mmmm,” Duo moaned obscenely, tearing a huge chunk off with his teeth. Orange juice leaked from the wound and dribbled down his chin. “Oh, man. This is so effin’ _good_ , Quat. You gotta try it.”

Quatre licked his lips as hunger gnawed at his stomach. He turned to the tree and clasped his hands. “Please, Sir. May I have some, too?”

Instead of reaching for more fruit, this time the tree folded its long limbs, crossing them over its trunk. Quatre gaped at the obvious snub, unsure what he’d done wrong.

“Ha,” Duo cackled, wiping juice from his mouth with the back of his hand. “Guess he doesn’t like you.”

“Laugh it up, Duo,” he muttered. “If we’re stuck here much longer, I’ll eat _you_.”

Duo’s expression instantly sobered. “Alright. No more games.” He tossed the slimy core of the fruit over his shoulder and reached into his pocket for the device that was responsible for them ending up here. A moment later, the remnants of the fruit he’d just eaten thumped off the back of his head. “Ow! What the hell?”

Quatre smirked. “Litterbug.”

He rubbed his head and scowled. “Alright. Sorry, jeez.” He bent down, picked up the rind, and stuffed it into his jeans’ pocket with a wince. “Gross. S’all wet. I don’t see any recycle bins around here.”

“We’re in a jungle of some kind, Duo. Don’t get your hopes up.” He stepped closer and swiped the device out of Duo’s hand.

“Hey -”

“I don’t trust you with this thing, okay? It’s because of you we’re in this mess in the first place.” He stared quizzically down at the device. “I don’t even know what all these buttons mean.”

“Well, obviously the one I pushed opened a portal of some kind.”

“Are you seriously telling me Heero souped up an old cell phone to create a wormhole? A rip in the space-time continuum?”

Duo waved his arms frantically, reminding Quatre of those erratic balloon things he occasionally saw at used car dealerships. “Look around you, Quat! What do you think?”

“I think Heero is certifiable.”

“Well, no argument there, buddy. Try the one I pushed. If it got us here, it could take us home.”

Quatre gave him a dubious look. “Nothing is ever that easy, Duo. For all we know, it could take us even farther from Earth than we are now.”

“How far are we anyway?”

“You expect me to know?” He looked back down at the device. The innocuous purple button seemed to beckon him to push it. Or maybe that was just the psychedelic glow of the atmosphere.

“Come on, Quat. Just push it. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

He glared at the other man. “On Earth where it belongs,” he snapped. His thumb hovered over the button, hesitating at the last second. 

“Push it, damn it!”

_Alright. Here goes nothing…_

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed down. A sickening lurch traveled up the length of his body, a thousand times more jarring than any man-made rocket fuel. There was a deafening _whoosh_ that blew past his ears and for an infinite moment, he felt suspended in the air. Floating in zero gravity and a silence so loud, you could hear a pin drop.

Reality returned with a crude thump of impact and when awareness flooded his senses, he realized he was face down on a soft, lumpy ground. He coughed, disturbing the strange red dirt beneath him and shifted, registering a heavy weight across his back.

“Fuck,” Duo groaned. “What a trip. Are we there yet?”

He coughed again, nose itching from the gritty sand. “I don’t - I don’t - _ugh!_ Get _off_ me!” He shoved at the other man with a trembling hand, cursing him in his native tongue. Rolling over onto his back, he gazed up at the sky with glassy eyes. A gigantic, ringed planet spun queasily close and dread settled into the pit of his stomach when he realized they were not, in fact, there yet.

“Oh, what the _fuck?_ What the fuck is _that?_ ” Duo screeched, pointing at the giant monstrosity in the sky.

“That would be a planet, Duo,” he grumbled, sitting up and glancing around at their surroundings. No jungle this time. Instead, the landscape was a barren desert with rolling dunes of red sand. He propped his elbows on his knees and tugged his fingers through his tangled hair, huffing with frustration.

“Sonofabitch,” Duo roared, jumping to his feet and kicking the sand which erupted in a plume of red dust. “I don’t believe this.” He spun towards Quatre and pointed an indignant finger. “If we ever get home, I’m murdering Heero. Mark my words, Quat. Boy is dead meat!” He turned his back and walked away, ranting and raving as he headed up the closest dune.

“Duo, wait! Duo!” Quatre scrambled to his feet and jogged to catch up. He made it halfway up the dune and halted when he spotted Duo standing frozen at the top. Alarmed, he asked “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“You’re not going to believe this.”

“What? What is it?” He ran up the rest of the way and followed the other man’s line of sight, his body going rigid in shock. “What the -”

“Are thy eyes deceiving me, Quat?”

He blinked and rubbed his own eyes, praying that the impossible sight was merely a hallucination. He squinted through the abnormally bright light from the desolate planet’s star. Several kilometers away, large creatures roamed across the vast desert expanse. They seemed reptilian in nature, though he couldn’t be sure until they got a closer look.

“Are they - are those _dinosaurs?_ ”

He nodded slowly, dumbfounded. “I suppose. Or this planet’s version of them.” They appeared different than the dinosaurs that once inhabited the Earth, but he was hard-pressed to figure out what else they could call them. Some of them were walking on six legs instead of four and others looked as though they had eight legs. Along the length of their backs were ruffled dorsal fins which rippled and fluttered in the winds that blew across the scorched landscape.

“Man,” Duo whistled. “Wish I’d brought a camera.”

Quatre glowered at him, the gravity of the situation closing about him like a heavy cloak. “You _fool!_  You - you prick! This is all your fault! I swear, if I never see Trowa again because of your stupidity I will never forgive you. I’m of half a mind to -”

The rest of his rant was muffled behind Duo’s hand which slapped over his mouth. He contemplated biting it, enraged enough to feel vindicated by hurting the other man. He was stopped only by Duo’s urgent hiss. “ _Shh!_ Quiet. Look.”

He glanced back out towards the horizon and watched as several smaller, two-legged creatures barreled through the placid herd which dissolved into a chaotic flurry of panic. He blinked in horror when they pounced on a few of the slower ones and brought them to the ground with sharp teeth and clawed fingers embedded in their necks. “Oh, shit,” he said in a hushed whisper behind Duo’s hand.

“We got predators,” Duo supplied helpfully. “This is not good. You gotta get us outta here, Quat.”

He turned shocked eyes on the other man. “And what if the next place is even _worse?_ ”

“We’ve gotta take our chances, Quat. Maybe this thing runs in a loop, y’know? Like a circle. If we push the button enough times, maybe it’ll take us back to the beginning.” Duo looked back towards the carnage and lifted his shoulders in an infuriatingly careless shrug. “S’ides, it literally could not get any worse if we summoned Cthulhu, and in fact might improve the situation somewhat.”

Quatre narrowed his eyes. “I hate you.”

“Hate me all you want, buddy, but it’s not going to get us home.” When Quatre hesitated, he thrust his arms towards the bloody scene in the distance. “You want to end up like _that?_ ”

He huffed and fished the device out, preparing for another trip through the universe. Destination...well, it didn't really matter at this point, did it? 

“I should feed you to those things,” he muttered.

“You could, but then you’d be alone on this journey and we both know you don’t want that.”

“Lucky for you.”

Duo wrapped a chummy arm around him and gestured towards the sky. “Just think, Quat. You and me, traveling through the uncharted waters of deep space. Exploring strange new worlds. Going where no man has ever gone before.”

“And stop quoting Star Trek,” he barked. “You are not James T Kirk.”

Duo sulked and fiddled with the end of his braid. “I could be,” he said petulantly. He opened his mouth again, but Quatre stopped him just in time.

“And if you call me Spock, I will most definitely leave you here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! ^.^


End file.
